On Hiatus

Something I’ve learned about myself that I’ve probably known all along, but I’ve only recently, truly learned to accept and work with, is that I seem to work in cycles. Whether it’s because of my bipolar, or because of my chronic illness and the cycles of exhaustion my body goes through or the chronic pain that I also struggle with and also causes me certain amounts of exhaustion if I’m suffering with the painsomnia, my work cycles wax and wane. I may go through a cycle of two weeks where I write vigorously and churn out four articles, another two weeks where I’m lying in my recliner staring at my keyboard, listening to my music, both too exhausted to write, but also numb in my brain and unable to form sentences, never mind churn out 500 words of anything. There are times when it’s extremely frustrating to be a writer with words in my head and be unable to formulate them into smooth, cohesive sentences, because my body and my brain are not functioning either smoothly or cohesively. I’ve learned to go with the flow, which if you knew me, you’d know that’s not how I am, exactly. Much of my life has had to be structured with things like school and extra-curricular activities or else I got distracted, courtesy of ADHD (though I wasn’t officially diagnosed until I was an adult, but it explained a lot of things). And old habits die hard. Now, things have to be more free-flowing, because my body needs rest and so does my mind. Which means when I’ve been learning to be able to pick up and write when I feel like I can pick up and write, which pretty much means to always be ready.

woman_writing_journal_000039888922

The flip-side of that is learning to be able to put the computer down and rest when you need to and I’m going to need to. But that doesn’t mean I’ll be completely bumming around and doing the couch potato thing. I’ll be jotting down ideas as they come, staying in touch with social media so if I see any story that inspires me, I’ll write that down too. It’s not easy to self-impose “down time.” Just because I know I need it, doesn’t mean I want it. I’ve sat behind the computer trying to write, erasing everything, until after the fifth time and tearing my hair out I closed it and set it down and told myself that was enough. What was worse? Not having a blog post for a week or two or going crazy because I can’t write a cohesive sentence to save my life? Let me tell you, it wasn’t that difficult to convince the perfectionist in me. She was breathing a sigh of relief while offering me a Snickers Bar after eating a few of her own. Hiatus can be a scary word, but it can be vital to your well being no matter what you may want to churn out for your readers. And if you’re are still thinking you can do it. You can churn out something. Sure. You can churn out something. But it won’t be as great as if you took some time off and recharged your mind and body and soul. Then, you might put out something really great. So, take the time off that you need and try not to feel so guilty about it. Do something fun with your friends or family. Have a Snickers!

BettySnickers

If you have anything you want to share with me, please feel free to contact me via my Twitter: @fibrohippiechic, Instagram: @lovekarmafood, or here, on my blog. I’m always available, but I will say that I will check Twitter and Instagram faster than WordPress.

I’ll be back mid-January! Having surgery the 20th of December because my ovary and fallopian tube are angry with me and have gone on strike. My uterus is already gone (I feel like my lady parts are being taken piece-meal) so I gave the ovary and tube the boot! See you in January and hopefully feeling a little better!

Merry Solstice! Happy New Year!

Hadley4

2 thoughts on “On Hiatus

  1. I noticed my life becoming very cyclical too after chronic illness. I totally understand where you are coming from. Will be thinking of you while you’re away and hope for a speedy recovery for you.

    Liked by 2 people

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