photo of children playing with dry leaves

So,I Started a Post But…

I had laundry to do; I started an art project I’ve really wanted to start; my chronic illness reared it’s ugly head and I was in bed for an entire weekend; I had to play catch up with chores; there was an issue with my disability I had to take care of; I cleaned my room from the piles of artistic madness…and, well, you get the idea.

'Slow for red squirrels' sign, Southport Crematorium
‘Slow for red squirrels’ sign, Southport Crematorium by David Hawgood is licensed under CC-BY-SA 2.0

As if life wasn’t already difficult enough for me, with chronic illnesses and symptoms that make me crazy, I struggle with mental health, bipolar and ADHD. Bipolar should have been enough. There is nothing that can complicate one’s existence more than bipolar and the shifting of emotion that could rival any ocean waves, unless you have ADHD too.

I wasn’t diagnosed until recently by my psychiatrist. And my recently, I mean within the last five years. He said it is likely I struggles with it since I was a kid, but because no one really looked at girls having ADHD back then, let alone boys, I learned to cope with on my own. I was called mercurial and flighty. I couldn’t sit still so my parents put me in ballet, tap and gymnastics. Sitting down for any length of time to study was like murder. As a teen, I listened to music while studying, much to the chagrin of my parents who thought I wouldn’t retain anything. As an adult, I’m one of those people with 15 tabs open, Spotify on while watching YouTube, while working on a blog post.

Girl listening to music.

But recently, it’s become a little more difficult to manage and it’s not something I’ve brought up to my doctor yet because I’m still firmly in the camp of “it’ll work itself out.” I’ve noticed with projects that are a little lengthier, or when I’m reading something that is more than a 6-minute read, my mind starts to wander. I remember that the tomatoes outside need watering, or that I should start supper so that I won’t be rushing and getting too tired. I start watching something on Netflix or listening to something on Spotify. It can be very disheartening because eventually I remember what it is I am supposed to be working on and I become frustrated with my inability to concentrate.

As many of you out there with chronic pain and illness can understand, there sometimes feels like there is a small window of time where we can do everything we need to- but we really can’t because if we do we can really overdo it and then we’re feeling crappy for a week- but that window looks really damn good and we want to live and we want to play and we want to do everything we can, and so for me, that translates into hopping from one thing to the next, doing what I can in each little bit, but because of the way ADHD is, I sometimes forget where it was I began.

I began research for a post for mental health awareness back in January. It ended up being quite lengthy and I am only now starting to edit and cite various research info within the post. It’s June and I began this in January. I was upset I couldn’t post it for Mental Health Awareness Month, but thought for sure I would get it out the following month, but here it is June and I’m not quite done. So, I thought I would vent my frustrations out to you while also bringing you some of the symptoms of Adult ADHD, to make myself feel better.

Adult ADHD Symptoms (may look like…)

  • Impulsiveness
  • Disorganization and problems prioritizing
  • Poor time management skills
  • Problems focusing on a task
  • Trouble multitasking
  • Excessive activity or restlessness
  • Poor planning
  • Low frustration tolerance
  • Frequent mood swings
  • Problems following through and completing tasks
  • Hot temper
  • Trouble coping with stress

Everyone has some of these symptoms at some point. What gives you the diagnosis of ADHD is two words: persistent and disruptive. If you are experiencing one or many of these symptoms daily, and it is being persistent and disruptive, go and see a doctor to explain your symptoms. It may be ADHD. Mayo Clinic

I am still working on the mental health post and it will be dropped here regardless of timing, because mental health is aways important. Stay well!

One response to “So,I Started a Post But…”

  1. I’m sorry you crashed over the weekend. It’s so frustrating. But I hope you got the rest you needed. I really like your description of the open window and how when we have those, it’s so hard not to overdo! This past week, I was finally feeling the best I have all semester and so, of course, I was like I Can Do Things Now and I Will! LOL but, I’m feeling it today. I know I need to slow it down, but like you said, we want to do as much as we can when we feel up to it! I still don’t think I balance things well enough. I hope you’re coming out of the crash ❤️

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