I’ve been on an emotional roller-coaster since Roe vs. Wade was overturned, swinging from white-hot fury to inconsolable grief, and it’s been difficult to put pen to paper and find the words I want to share with you. I never thought I would ever have to (or need to) share my abortion story with anyone (except maybe a few). I am not famous or influential; I am simply a woman like you.I am 1 in 4 women who have had to make that decision, and it’s okay. It doesn’t mean you are a bad person. You aren’t an evil person. You are human and your body is your own to make any decision that is right for you.
My choice was based on having two children already and being in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship. I was using birth control. However, 1.) chronic illness and antibiotic use may have caused the birth control to be ineffective, and 2.) I suspected my (then) husband of tampering with my birth control. The second time I got pregnant was a result of my husband raping me before I finally left him. I had no idea at the time that a husband could rape his wife, but I knew that if I had another child, I would have no other choice than to stay with him. I had no higher education and no means of caring for my children on my own without his help, and I made the painful decision to terminate in the best interest of the children I already had.
Women shouldn’t have to explain themselves, justify themselves, or prove to anyone that their decision is the best one for them. She is the one who has to bear the duration of the pregnancy, bring that child into the world, and possibly raise that child until they are 18 years old. No argument against abortion makes sense to me. Women are not vessels to incubate a child until birth because it fits their moral or religious beliefs. You cannot force a woman to bear a pregnancy to term because you think it is best for her. We are human and the overturning of this decision has painfully reminded all women that we are less than. That we do not know what is right for us and, worst of all, that our body is not our own.
This is emotional and even as I write this, my fingers almost unable to keep up with my ping-ponging thoughts, I am forced to take a breath. My third abortion, or D&C as it was called, happened because of an ectopic pregnancy after my third child was born. Had it been a viable pregnancy, it would never have been terminated, but ectopic pregnancies that have gone untreated can sometimes cause death. I was lucky to have had the pain that brought me to the doctor, or I might not have had my last child. But I will never forget the pain of that loss.
As women, we are given the gift of bringing life into the world, but it should be a life that is wanted or a life that you are willing to grow until you give it to someone else to love and cherish. Pregnancy should be on our terms. No one should be forced to endure the pregnancy of incest or rape unless they want to give that life to another. No woman should lose her life to a botched abortion because they didn’t have access to one close by. There are millions of reasons why a woman should be able to terminate her pregnancy, but the biggest one is: Bodily Autonomy
What is bodily autonomy, you ask? It is the power of the individual, in this case, women, to make decisions about their bodies without coercion or the fear of violence. These decisions can be about what they are comfortable doing with sexual partners, husbands, contraceptives, and as basic as health care. Forcing a woman to continue a pregnancy that she is not willing to sustain, or that is unviable, goes against recognized human rights. It is beyond cruel to force a woman to breed against her will. It is beyond cruel to tell her that she has to travel to another state to have the procedure done when she may not have either the support or resources to get her there. It is beyond cruel to force upon her the responsibility of a child, who will impact everything from her ability to continue school to her earning potential. The argument that she could give the baby up for adoption and choose life is grand, but there is still the gestation of that baby in her womb. Does she even have the resources available to care for herself or to see a doctor regularly? Will she be safe, living on the streets, or forced to be in an unsafe environment because she has nowhere else to go? Will she be mentally capable of letting the baby go after it is born, if adoption is an option? Making the callous decision to restrict women’s access to abortion health care will have long lasting consequences for the women of this country.
**Warning this may be Triggering and please read with caution**
I try to stay away from things that are political on my blog, or that will simply take away from the larger message here, which is information about chronic illness, chronic pain, and mental health. However, I feel like this subject does encompass mental health as well as the emotional health and state of a woman who finds herself dealing with an unplanned pregnancy. Everything I write about in my blog is emotional and personal and this subject is no different. I am a woman who found herself facing this difficult choice and without the access I had to this type of healthcare, my life would probably have been very different. But, even if I had not faced this decision myself, I am a woman and I empathize with the women around me who face different circumstances in their lives which may not support having a child. I am also a mother to four women, and one in four women will choose to have an abortion. https://www.guttmacher.org/news-release/2017/abortion-common-experience-us-women-despite-dramatic-declines-rates
There are so many reasons that this law is an assault against our gender, but let me start with following: The law bans abortions as soon as cardiac activity can be detected, which is around 6 weeks. Many women do not know they are pregnant at six weeks for many different reasons. Let’s untangle this.
Speaking strictly in terms of statistics, about 50% of women will have early signs of pregnancy by the time they are five weeks pregnant. 70% of women will have pregnancy symptoms by six weeks pregnant. 90% of women will have pregnancy symptoms by eight weeks pregnant. https://www.babycenter.com/getting-pregnant/how-to-get-pregnant/pregnancy-symptoms_1146468 Most pregnancies are unplanned. In fact, about 40-49% of pregnancies are unplanned. Even those women who take birth control religiously are only human, and as humans, there are mistakes. This doesn’t even include things like medications that may interfere with the efficacy of birth control like some antibiotics. We are all busy people and sometimes there can be innocent mistakes like forgetting to take the pill. Even so, a woman taking the birth control pill exactly as they should, is looking at a 1-2% failure rate. This means that “1 or 2 out of 100 users relying solely on the pill will get pregnant.” https://www.cnn.com/2019/05/09/health/pregnancy-at-six-weeks/index.html Many women out there aren’t over-seeing the frequency of their cycle with eagle eyes unless they are trying to get pregnant and/or are having fertility issues. There are women out there who don’t have routine sex, who don’t visit the doctor regularly, and who may have mental health problems that keep them from recognizing or accepting their symptoms of pregnancy.
It may be difficult for some to understand that mental health issues could prevent someone from recognizing symptoms of pregnancy, but it’s not only limited to mental health disorders. Fear or stress can be an overwhelming emotion and for some women, they go into denial. Let us take for example, a teenager, who thinks she may be pregnant but may convince herself otherwise because she is so fearful of how her parents will react or what they may do if she is living in an unsafe environment. A married woman may convince herself she is not pregnant by someone other than her partner. Again, it may not simply be because of the cheating but if she is living with domestic violence, it could place her in danger and by the time she accepts or can no longer hide her state, it might be too late. Some women do not have symptoms like morning sickness, breast tenderness, or fatigue. If a woman is overweight or their size fluctuates, they may not notice the extra baby weight.
There are many women who struggle with irregular periods whether it is because of stress, some medications (like the birth control pill or drugs for epilepsy), or health problems like polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), uncontrolled diabetes or even an eating disorder. There may be spot bleeding for other women (who have period issues) who may mistake it for her period and alternatively, a woman may not have regular periods, to begin with, so missing a period for a few months isn’t a red flag. A woman who has been diagnosed with PCOS may believe they are infertile. PCOS is the most common cause of infertility (according to the Mayo Clinic), so a person with this diagnosed condition may have been told that it will be incredibly difficult (to impossible) for them to get pregnant, leading them to not suspect a thing.
The last thing I will point out that may surprise some is lack of education. I’m not talking about finishing high school or needing a higher education degree to know you are pregnant. I’m talking about sex education. The United States has no uniform curriculum for sex education and for many across the United States, it is not required or, parents may choose to exempt their child from sex education. Also, because the curriculum is at the discretion of individual states, some might designate “comprehensive, medically accurate and inclusive of gender and sex identities,” other states may opt for a model focused on abstinence with no legal requirement to go above and beyond that.” https://www.cnn.com/2019/05/09/health/pregnancy-at-six-weeks/index.html This can leave schools to make the decision of what they will and won’t offer. It can also lead to students having gaps in understanding how the human body works and how you can get pregnant. These are actual questions from teens and answers from Bedsider.org about pregnancy :
Can I get pregnant if I was drunk or high when we had sex?Yes! Being drunk or high when you have sex has nothing to do with the biological chances of getting pregnant. Since being drunk or high probably makes you or your partner less likely to remember to use that condom or take that birth control pill, it may actually increase the chance of a pregnancy. If being drunk or high is part of your regular scene, consider doubling up to be super-safe with condoms and a party-ready birth control method like the implant, the IUD, or the shot.
Abortion is increasingly concentrated among poor women and women of colour, which makes this law all the more an assault against women. For women who have the means to leave the state (whether it’s flying to a different state/country or driving and then paying for the procedure), this law will not affect them. But the other women? I fear for what may happen to them; where they may go to receive the care that should be accessible to them. I fear for them and the lengths they might go, to terminate a pregnancy with the internet and so many shady sites that might offer toxic or life-threatening concoctions to terminate the pregnancy. Women’s lives are valuable and I shouldn’t have to plead with those that govern my state to allow us dominion over what happens to our bodies. Especially when these same people who claim to be a champion of these unborn babies, don’t also give women the resources to take care of this child they may not be able to care for, or a way to escape an abusive relationship that may eventually shift to the child, or make allowance for women who have done nothing wrong but were survivors of rape/incest and cannot bring a child into the world from that assault. Our lives are every bit as important and women should not be forced to incubate a child in their womb because they cannot access this healthcare.
I cannot comprehend why Governor Abbott would push for and sign into law this abortion ban that jeopardizes the lives of so many women and then says that there is no need for an exception for rape because they’re going to eliminate all rapists. It’s nonsensical. There is no way to accept that the police, with everything on their plate already, can rid the streets of rapists. Statically, 51.1% of women are assaulted by an intimate partner, in 8-10 cases the victim knew the person who sexually assaulted them, and 40.8% of women are assaulted by an acquaintance. But here’s the reason why Gov. Abbott can never rid the streets of rapists and why this law is an assault on women: 63% of sexual assaults are not reported to the police. [National Sexual Violence Resource Center- Info + Stats for Journalists] Even if more sexual assaults were reported, do we have the capability of incarcerating these criminals for the rest of their lives? Are they going to receive special treatment because they are white, in college, and play sports? Are they going to be set free by a jury because a woman is made out to be less credible because she is a sex worker?
Governor Abbott cannot protect women from all these possibilities and neither can he protect women from rape. What he can do is change this law. The definition of rape as it reads in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary says it is the:
unlawful sexual activity and usually sexual intercourse carried out forcibly or under threat of injury against a person’s will or with a person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent because of mental illness, mental deficiency, intoxication, unconsciousness, or deception
This is law is forcing women, against their will, to continue a pregnancy to term. I don’t see this as being any different than forcing a woman to be an incubator. This law also gives permission to private citizens to enforce the law instead of public officials allowing them to sue clinics that they feel may have “aided and abetted” illegal abortions. In the mind of people who are mentally unstable and who may fervently oppose abortions, this opens a very dangerous door. A door that could lead to clinics being targeted and women and medical staff being hurt. How is this not like rape? It is obvious that I feel passionate about a woman’s right to choose. Like so many women out there, this has touched me personally and my decisions have impacted my life greatly. Some would say that I don’t see the issues clearly because of my past, but I would say that it is because of my past, I see things so clearly. This ban tells young women that not only is their body not their own, but that they are incapable of making decisions for their future and how a baby might impact that future. It tells them that they are so incapable that people they have never met, who don’t know their history or anything they have been through had to create a law to protect something that they will have to nurture in their bodies and grow against their will. It tells women who are poor and those women of color that they are not worth it. Did you know that in states with more abortion restrictions there are higher rates of maternal/infant mortality? “Abortion restrictions—especially gestational bans, which seek to ban abortion at an arbitrary point of gestation during pregnancy—are often proposed by anti-choice lawmakers as a way to protect women’s health. However, research has shown that the more abortion restrictions a state has, the worse women and children’s health outcomes in the state are. The Center for Reproductive Rights (CRR) conducted a study that created a state-level scoring system with the following categories: abortion restrictions; policies that support women and children’s well-being; women and children’s health outcomes; and social determinants of health.” https://www.americanprogress.org/issues/women/reports/2018/06/13/451891/limiting-abortion-access-contributes-poor-maternal-health-outcomes/
There is already a divide that is felt in America- a socio-economic one and a racial one- and this law will only deepen that divide. I will fight for the rights of women, for the rights of my daughters, and for the rights of any person who finds themselves facing this impossible decision because they matter. Their lives matter and their future matters.